Organization Travel Series: Gaydar
by TheSixthApprentice
Summary: Just how gay is the organization? Find out as they travel to Los Angeles to star in the new game show, Gaydar. Beware of some bizarre confessions, Vexen's panic attacks, and many more mishaps as they explore Hollywood and partake in this game show.
1. Daydar?

_I do not own Kingdom Hearts or anything mentioned in this crazy piece of art._

* * *

"Superior." Saïx greeted as he placed a pile of envelopes, magazines, and flyers onto the corner of Xemnas' desk. "This is today's mail." Xemnas closed his laptop slightly and picked up a few of the envelopes. He tossed the junk into a garbage bin beside his desk when suddenly he noticed an envelope with an unfamiliar name in the top corner. The letters were smudged slightly sue to the rain they had been getting recently.

"How peculiar." Xemnas muttered as he tore open the envelope. Saïx stood behind, watching as he unfolded the papers inside. "Daydar?" the Superior questioned out loud with his head cocked to the side in curiosity. He had never heard of the word Daydar before. It seemed like this was the name of the business. He began to read the letter out loud:

"Congratulations Organization Thirteen. You have been selected to be a part of our fairly new game show and-"

Once Saïx heard those words, he snatched the paper from the Superiors hands which caused him to receive an offended glare. Saïx re-read the entire thing and continued page by page. When he lowered the papers from his face he glared at the Superior.

"This would be the perfect opportunity to capture hearts and collect profit." Xemnas rose an eyebrow and thought for a moment to process what Saïx had just told him. Hearts? Money? What more could he have asked for?

"Where is this place located?" The Superior asked, folding his hands in his lap. He was no longer interested in the requirements for this game show or what it was about. Saïx brought the papers back up to his face to search for the address.

"In Hollywood."

"Well," began the Superior with a faint smile as he opened his laptop, "then it's time we book a flight."

The entire Organization had gathered for a meeting in the round room and discussed this game show that they would be invited to. Saïx again brought up the fact that they could profit largely from this not only by terms of money, but hearts as well. Luxord was immediately hooked, claiming that he would never lose. Vexen and Zexion were more concerned with what they game was about and what they had to do but were ignored. The rest were mostly excited to do something fun outside of the castle.

They packed their suitcases and their passports and were off to the airport. The cost of the trip was going to be outrageously expensive, but combining everyone's money made them able to afford it. They even had a lot of extra money for a hotel and to buy food with all thanks to Luxord who was willing to share his money he had won with various poker games.

The flight was rather boring, so Demyx and Axel tried making the most of it.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx whispered quite loudly from across the aisle of seats. Axel raised an eyebrow and looked up from his magazine. Demyx motioned him to come closer so he leaned his head in across the aisle. "We should totally ask for people's autographs or something just to mess with them. " Axel glanced away and stared at the passengers around them. They were mostly older people, but he shrugged and agreed anyways.

Xemnas turned to Saïx who was sitting beside him. They were both doing crossword puzzles to pass the time. "Perhaps we could make the most of this trip and make it into a vacation. I'm sure the others would appreciate it."

Saïx stopped writing for a moment as if to process what was just said. He then continued, however he pressed his pen harder into his paper. "I suppose." He grumbled.

Xigbar who was sitting in front of the Superior, turned around with a mouthful of Cracker Jack. "Hey, Superior. May I suggest we hit the beach or something? I want to totally swim with the dolphins." As he shoved a handful of his snack into his mouth, quite a few pieces missed and dropped to the floor. Larxene who was sitting next to Xigbar, groaned in annoyance.

"Will you please stop talking with food in your mouth?" She asked as she turned the page in a magazine. An advertisement for shaving cream was on the page and Xigbar found it fascinating.

"Hey," he began, swallowing a mouthful of his Cracker Jack, "why can't my shaving cream have scents like strawberry cream? What if I want to smell like that?" She sighed over-dramatically and turned in her seat so that her back was facing him. He just continued to munch quite loudly on his snack.

Meanwhile, Demyx and Axel roamed the section that they were in and sat down next to random people with a pen and paper in their hand. Axel placed himself next to an older woman with oxygen and asked for her autograph. Apparently she took offense to this and swung her pocket book at him, claiming that it wasn't funny to make fun of her dead husband named John. She called over a flight attendant and claimed that Axel was harassing her. The flight attendant instructed that he go back to his seat, which he did.

Demyx however was pretty popular among the elderly crowd. An old woman pinched his cheeks, telling him how adorable he was and how he reminded her of her grandson. The old men told him stories about war and stupid things they did when they were younger. He got almost everyone's autograph, including the woman who hit Axel with her pocketbook. Axel didn't acknowledge Demyx's existence for the rest of the flight.

A few rows back sat the rest of the Organization. Vexen had been knocked out due to his extreme fear of flying and was asleep beside Lexaeus who was reading a novel by Stephen King. Marluxia was sitting besides Zexion with his knees close to his chest, writing in a journal. Every time Zexion glanced over, Marluxia would cover his journal with his arm and casually look out the window.

Roxas, who was playing a racing game on his PSP, sat beside Luxord who was playing card games by himself. Every once in a while he would mumble something that had to relate to games. Roxas soon found this annoying and blocked out the noise with his headphones.

And then there was Xaldin who sat next to an old woman who would not keep quiet. Within minutes of sitting next to each other, she told him her entire life story. Currently, she was teaching him how to knit a sweater. Xaldin was far too nice to the elderly to reject her even once.

The grudge that Axel was still holding against Demyx caused him to conjure up a revenge plan. Axel leaned over in the aisle and whispered Demyx's name. Demyx quickly gave him his attention.

"Yeah?"

Axel cleared his throat. "You know, the last time I saw my parents was before they went on their flight to the Bahamas. Let's just say something really bad happened after the plane started making these weird noises that sounded like it was driving on a bumpy road." Demyx looked a little pale because earlier the plane made some noises that sounded similar to that. "You know those oxygen masks?" Demyx nodded quickly. "Well, they never came down. Turns out, they aren't reliable at all. Those problems were what killed my parents in one of the most deadly plane crashes ever." Axel tried his best not to smirk when Demyx began breathing quicker.

As if on cue, the plane began making those noises again and Demyx nearly screamed. He jumped up from his seat and ran to Xemnas. All the while, Axel began chuckling.

"Xemnas! Xemnas! Oh my god we're gonna die!" Saïx groaned and nearly snapped his pen in half. Meanwhile the Superior shook his head.

"No, Demyx, we're not going to die. Sit back down and go pester somebody else."

"But Axel said we're-"

"Axel told you this?" Xemnas questioned. When Axel heard his name being said, his heart sank. He wasn't expecting for Demyx to tattle tale. Now, he was going to get it.

Demyx nodded in a pouty whimper. Xemnas motioned for him to come closer. When he did, he began whispering things into Demyx's ear which caused his pouty frown to change into an ear to ear grin. Once he sat back down in his seat across from Axel, he began to hum an upbeat tune. The pyromaniac was now wondering what the Superior told him.

Hours had passed. Night had turned to day. Soon enough, the plane had landed and they were exiting the airport after lunch time.

Marluxia put on his sunglasses as they stepped through the doors. "Hollywood here I come." He said; leading the group as the wind blew his long, pink hair around.

Meanwhile, Saïx was coming up with plans to make this trip more appealing and relaxing for himself. He decided that it would be best if the Organization split into two groups and those groups could do whatever they wanted without having to worry about everyone else. The only exception was, was that they had to meet at the studio at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon. The filming of the show was going to be tomorrow at six but they were instructed to get there around three to get a good feel of things before the official filming.

Group one consisted of: Himself, Xemnas, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Vexen, and Luxord. Group two had: Xigbar, Zexion, Axel, Demyx, Marluxia, Larxene, and Roxas. He claimed that everyone in group two ticked him off in one way or another. Zexion wasn't happy being surrounded by the "fools of the organization" and mumbled profanities under his breath.

Saïx lead his group towards a nearby hotel that included a fancy swimming pool and free wifi. Meanwhile, Marluxia's group couldn't decide on where to stay. They had many brochures and even researched places to stay but nobody could agree on one. They ended up touring the entire place, walking along busy streets, visiting restaurants and overall, getting to know where things were. Demyx bought some souvenirs at a gift shop, Axel ordered two foot long subs and ate them both with Roxas, Xigbar was getting to know the locals, Marluxia was taking in the city-like scenery, Larxene was window shopping, and Zexion seemed to be mindlessly wandering on his own.

When Saïx's group made it to their hotel rooms, they collapsed on the beds and watched some television to unwind. Vexen was still a little out of it but once he realized where he was, he began to panic.

"Where am I?" He sat up quickly in bed and scanned the unfamiliar room; he noticed some members of the Organization but had no idea where he was. His first thought was a hospital. "Where am I?" He noticed the window and bolted towards it, staring at the city's tall buildings and clusters of people far below. "I'm not home." He realized out loud. His breathing quickened. Luxord came over and slapped his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"Vexen, my friend. Of course you're not home. You're in Hollywood!" He said with a smile. Vexen stared into the horizon, unable to process what was just said to him. His eyes grew wide.

"We came here on a plane?" He yelled, pushing Luxord away. "You mean we traveled in one of the most dangerous mechanisms possible?" Saïx face-palmed and sighed. He was hoping Vexen would've been a little saner. He started hyperventilating and grabbing his chest as if he was having a heart attack. "Oh, god!" He exclaimed. "We're going to die!" He booked it for the door but Xaldin blocked the way. "Out of my way!"

"Vexen." Saïx Lexaeus. "You're going to be alright."

"Alright?" The scientist repeated loudly. "You think I'm going to be alright? They must have gotten to you too!"

Saïx clenched his fists tightly. "Just let him go." Xaldin nodded and stepped to the side, leaving Vexen stumbling over the door handle. Once he managed to open the door, he ran down the hallway screaming.

"Perhaps we should consider getting him to see a psychiatrist." Commented Xemnas as he opened up a magazine.

Today's crazy mishaps were only just the beginning of something bigger.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading! Make sure you leave a review!  
_


	2. Spicy Meat

_I do not own Kingdom Hearts or anything mentioned in this crazy piece of art._

* * *

"Superior." Saïx greeted as he placed a pile of envelopes, magazines, and flyers onto the corner of Xemnas' desk. "This is today's mail." Xemnas closed his laptop slightly and picked up a few of the envelopes. He tossed the junk into a garbage bin beside his desk when suddenly he noticed an envelope with an unfamiliar name in the top corner. The letters were smudged slightly sue to the rain they had been getting recently.

"How peculiar." Xemnas muttered as he tore open the envelope. Saïx stood behind, watching as he unfolded the papers inside. "Daydar?" the Superior questioned out loud with his head cocked to the side in curiosity. He had never heard of the word Daydar before. It seemed like this was the name of the business. He began to read the letter out loud:

"Congratulations Organization Thirteen. You have been selected to be a part of our fairly new game show and-"

Once Saïx heard those words, he snatched the paper from the Superiors hands which caused him to receive an offended glare. Saïx re-read the entire thing and continued page by page. When he lowered the papers from his face he glared at the Superior.

"This would be the perfect opportunity to capture hearts and collect profit." Xemnas rose an eyebrow and thought for a moment to process what Saïx had just told him. Hearts? Money? What more could he have asked for?

"Where is this place located?" The Superior asked, folding his hands in his lap. He was no longer interested in the requirements for this game show or what it was about. Saïx brought the papers back up to his face to search for the address.

"In Hollywood."

"Well," began the Superior with a faint smile as he opened his laptop, "then it's time we book a flight."

The entire Organization had gathered for a meeting in the round room and discussed this game show that they would be invited to. Saïx again brought up the fact that they could profit largely from this not only by terms of money, but hearts as well. Luxord was immediately hooked, claiming that he would never lose. Vexen and Zexion were more concerned with what they game was about and what they had to do but were ignored. The rest were mostly excited to do something fun outside of the castle.

They packed their suitcases and their passports and were off to the airport. The cost of the trip was going to be outrageously expensive, but combining everyone's money made them able to afford it. They even had a lot of extra money for a hotel and to buy food with all thanks to Luxord who was willing to share his money he had won with various poker games.

The flight was rather boring, so Demyx and Axel tried making the most of it.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx whispered quite loudly from across the aisle of seats. Axel raised an eyebrow and looked up from his magazine. Demyx motioned him to come closer so he leaned his head in across the aisle. "We should totally ask for people's autographs or something just to mess with them. " Axel glanced away and stared at the passengers around them. They were mostly older people, but he shrugged and agreed anyways.

Xemnas turned to Saïx who was sitting beside him. They were both doing crossword puzzles to pass the time. "Perhaps we could make the most of this trip and make it into a vacation. I'm sure the others would appreciate it."

Saïx stopped writing for a moment as if to process what was just said. He then continued, however he pressed his pen harder into his paper. "I suppose." He grumbled.

Xigbar who was sitting in front of the Superior, turned around with a mouthful of Cracker Jack. "Hey, Superior. May I suggest we hit the beach or something? I want to totally swim with the dolphins." As he shoved a handful of his snack into his mouth, quite a few pieces missed and dropped to the floor. Larxene who was sitting next to Xigbar, groaned in annoyance.

"Will you please stop talking with food in your mouth?" She asked as she turned the page in a magazine. An advertisement for shaving cream was on the page and Xigbar found it fascinating.

"Hey," he began, swallowing a mouthful of his Cracker Jack, "why can't my shaving cream have scents like strawberry cream? What if I want to smell like that?" She sighed over-dramatically and turned in her seat so that her back was facing him. He just continued to munch quite loudly on his snack.

Meanwhile, Demyx and Axel roamed the section that they were in and sat down next to random people with a pen and paper in their hand. Axel placed himself next to an older woman with oxygen and asked for her autograph. Apparently she took offense to this and swung her pocket book at him, claiming that it wasn't funny to make fun of her dead husband named John. She called over a flight attendant and claimed that Axel was harassing her. The flight attendant instructed that he go back to his seat, which he did.

Demyx however was pretty popular among the elderly crowd. An old woman pinched his cheeks, telling him how adorable he was and how he reminded her of her grandson. The old men told him stories about war and stupid things they did when they were younger. He got almost everyone's autograph, including the woman who hit Axel with her pocketbook. Axel didn't acknowledge Demyx's existence for the rest of the flight.

A few rows back sat the rest of the Organization. Vexen had been knocked out due to his extreme fear of flying and was asleep beside Lexaeus who was reading a novel by Stephen King. Marluxia was sitting besides Zexion with his knees close to his chest, writing in a journal. Every time Zexion glanced over, Marluxia would cover his journal with his arm and casually look out the window.

Roxas, who was playing a racing game on his PSP, sat beside Luxord who was playing card games by himself. Every once in a while he would mumble something that had to relate to games. Roxas soon found this annoying and blocked out the noise with his headphones.

And then there was Xaldin who sat next to an old woman who would not keep quiet. Within minutes of sitting next to each other, she told him her entire life story. Currently, she was teaching him how to knit a sweater. Xaldin was far too nice to the elderly to reject her even once.

The grudge that Axel was still holding against Demyx caused him to conjure up a revenge plan. Axel leaned over in the aisle and whispered Demyx's name. Demyx quickly gave him his attention.

"Yeah?"

Axel cleared his throat. "You know, the last time I saw my parents was before they went on their flight to the Bahamas. Let's just say something really bad happened after the plane started making these weird noises that sounded like it was driving on a bumpy road." Demyx looked a little pale because earlier the plane made some noises that sounded similar to that. "You know those oxygen masks?" Demyx nodded quickly. "Well, they never came down. Turns out, they aren't reliable at all. Those problems were what killed my parents in one of the most deadly plane crashes ever." Axel tried his best not to smirk when Demyx began breathing quicker.

As if on cue, the plane began making those noises again and Demyx nearly screamed. He jumped up from his seat and ran to Xemnas. All the while, Axel began chuckling.

"Xemnas! Xemnas! Oh my god we're gonna die!" Saïx groaned and nearly snapped his pen in half. Meanwhile the Superior shook his head.

"No, Demyx, we're not going to die. Sit back down and go pester somebody else."

"But Axel said we're-"

"Axel told you this?" Xemnas questioned. When Axel heard his name being said, his heart sank. He wasn't expecting for Demyx to tattle tale. Now, he was going to get it.

Demyx nodded in a pouty whimper. Xemnas motioned for him to come closer. When he did, he began whispering things into Demyx's ear which caused his pouty frown to change into an ear to ear grin. Once he sat back down in his seat across from Axel, he began to hum an upbeat tune. The pyromaniac was now wondering what the Superior told him.

Hours had passed. Night had turned to day. Soon enough, the plane had landed and they were exiting the airport after lunch time.

Marluxia put on his sunglasses as they stepped through the doors. "Hollywood here I come." He said; leading the group as the wind blew his long, pink hair around.

Meanwhile, Saïx was coming up with plans to make this trip more appealing and relaxing for himself. He decided that it would be best if the Organization split into two groups and those groups could do whatever they wanted without having to worry about everyone else. The only exception was, was that they had to meet at the studio at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon. The filming of the show was going to be tomorrow at six but they were instructed to get there around three to get a good feel of things before the official filming.

Group one consisted of: Himself, Xemnas, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Vexen, and Luxord. Group two had: Xigbar, Zexion, Axel, Demyx, Marluxia, Larxene, and Roxas. He claimed that everyone in group two ticked him off in one way or another. Zexion wasn't happy being surrounded by the "fools of the organization" and mumbled profanities under his breath.

Saïx lead his group towards a nearby hotel that included a fancy swimming pool and free wifi. Meanwhile, Marluxia's group couldn't decide on where to stay. They had many brochures and even researched places to stay but nobody could agree on one. They ended up touring the entire place, walking along busy streets, visiting restaurants and overall, getting to know where things were. Demyx bought some souvenirs at a gift shop, Axel ordered two foot long subs and ate them both with Roxas, Xigbar was getting to know the locals, Marluxia was taking in the city-like scenery, Larxene was window shopping, and Zexion seemed to be mindlessly wandering on his own.

When Saïx's group made it to their hotel rooms, they collapsed on the beds and watched some television to unwind. Vexen was still a little out of it but once he realized where he was, he began to panic.

"Where am I?" He sat up quickly in bed and scanned the unfamiliar room; he noticed some members of the Organization but had no idea where he was. His first thought was a hospital. "Where am I?" He noticed the window and bolted towards it, staring at the city's tall buildings and clusters of people far below. "I'm not home." He realized out loud. His breathing quickened. Luxord came over and slapped his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"Vexen, my friend. Of course you're not home. You're in Hollywood!" He said with a smile. Vexen stared into the horizon, unable to process what was just said to him. His eyes grew wide.

"We came here on a plane?" He yelled, pushing Luxord away. "You mean we traveled in one of the most dangerous mechanisms possible?" Saïx face-palmed and sighed. He was hoping Vexen would've been a little saner. He started hyperventilating and grabbing his chest as if he was having a heart attack. "Oh, god!" He exclaimed. "We're going to die!" He booked it for the door but Xaldin blocked the way. "Out of my way!"

"Vexen." Saïx Lexaeus. "You're going to be alright."

"Alright?" The scientist repeated loudly. "You think I'm going to be alright? They must have gotten to you too!"

Saïx clenched his fists tightly. "Just let him go." Xaldin nodded and stepped to the side, leaving Vexen stumbling over the door handle. Once he managed to open the door, he ran down the hallway screaming.

"Perhaps we should consider getting him to see a psychiatrist." Commented Xemnas as he opened up a magazine.

Today's crazy mishaps were only just the beginning of something bigger.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading! Make sure you leave a review!  
_


	3. Welcome to Gaydar!

_Welcome back to another chapter of Gaydar!_

* * *

It was a little passed 3:00 and everyone met in the studio parking lot. Nobody was quite sure what was going to happen because Saïx or Vexen weren't there. They just walked into the studio and hoped for the best. Upon entering they met the producer who was named Ben Dover. He greeted each and every one of them with a handshake. However, Axel, Demyx, Roxas, and Xigbar couldn't help but snicker at his name.

A man in a suit came rushing over. He had dark hair, glasses and smelled like Axe. His chin and the side of his face showed signs that he was trying to grow a beard.

"Hello," He greeted as he firmly shook everyone's hand. He had a perfect voice that belonged on a radio show. "My name is Hugh Jass and-"Axel, Roxas, Demyx, and Xigbar completely lost it. They all bent over in laughter. However, Hugh remained composed and cleared his throat. "Anyways, I'm glad you could make it. How's about a tour of the place and then we can go over a basic summary of the show?" Xemnas agreed and the entire Organization, including the four with the laughing fit, toured the large studio. There were many fancy ceiling lights, large cameras, and screens. There were even donuts which Xigbar helped himself to. The entire tour of the studio took about an hour. The rest of the time was spent going over the show.

"Here's how it works on Gaydar. We-"

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

"Gaydar." Repeated Hugh.

"What's a Gaydar?" Asked Roxas. Axel shrugged in response.

"Didn't you read the pamphlet?"

"Yes," Xemnas replied, confused, "I thought it was called Daydar?"

Hugh cocked his head to the side. "Hm, must've been a typo. It's supposed to be a play on with words. You know gay…radar…Gaydar." He continued on with how the show was run. "Here's what you'll do. One by one you'll step in front of the audience where you will be examined. Once you're done being evaluated, the next one comes up and does the same thing. Once the audience has done examining all of you, you will each be given the results of everyone that was evaluated."

Just about everybody's mouths dropped.

"What?" Interjected Larxene. "You mean I'm going to be evaluated to see how gay I am?"

Hugh gave a smile. "Precisely! All you have to do is stand before the audience, tell them about yourselves and then you're done. The show is quite a big hit."

Everyone turned to glare at Xemnas with murderous looks. He put up his hands in defense.

Later on that night, everyone dressed in either dresses or tuxedos and were back stage while the audience was making a lot of noise. Xemnas was the one who was going up first, followed by the rest of the members in numerical order. Hugh Jass was speaking to the audience currently, telling them how the game works and what they're supposed to do. Xemnas was talking out loud to himself, deciding what he should say.

"Here's our first contestant, Xemnas!"

The Superior exhaled loudly while Xigbar patted him on the back. Xemnas stepped onto the stage where the spotlights fixated on him. He felt every single eye of everyone in the room on him which caused his legs to turn into jelly. Intense music began to play as he stood in the middle of the room where the audience was circled around him.

"Alright Xemnas, tell the audience about yourself." The music suddenly ended.

The Superior swallowed hard.

"Uhm, well I am the leader of an Organization; a powerful Organization." He placed his hands behind his back in a business-like fashion. "Our goal is to collect the hearts of the people of many worlds to complete Kingdom Hearts." Everyone in the audience exchanged confused glances.

Hugh just laughed and read off of an index card.

"Well, it says on here that you have meetings to discuss children and how to ruin their lives, you are obsessed with hearts…" The audience laughed and Xemnas was furious.

"I-I do not!"

"Are you also going to deny that you have an Easy Bake Oven in your office?" The Superiors face darkened completely in shades of red and he didn't open his mouth while the audience laughed. He was baffled on how Hugh knew of his secrets. Pictures appeared on the screens of his small, pink Easy Bake Oven and his computer wallpaper which was kittens and hearts. Xemnas began to panic. All this time he was being watched! "Alright audience, time to decide! Xemnas you're done here."

Xemnas huffed his way back behind stage and Xigbar stepped onto stage, waving at everybody.

"How's it going everybody?" He asked loudly. He got various responses as he made his way over to Hugh.

"Alright Xigbar, tell the audience about yourself."

Xigbar gave a chuckle. "Well, I'm your typical, fun guy who loves the outdoors and hunting. Uh, I live with a bunch of weirdoes who are much more immature than I am. I just wanna settle down with a nice girl, live in a log cabin by the river and live off the land."

Hugh nodded, pretending to act interested. "Typical?" He repeated. With a smile, he pulled out an index card. "Well, it says here that you have a special interest in graphic romance novels and read them aloud to your little gun named Lucy." The audience laughed and Xigbar couldn't interject with anything because it was completely true. Pictures of his gun tucked in a crib appeared on the television screens and Xigbar stared at the floor in embarrassment. He was shocked as to how those images made their way to Los Angeles. Who took those photos? "Got anything to add about your 'typical' life, Xigbar?"

Xigbar coughed. "Uh, I like to shoot?" He offered. However the audience just laughed.

"Alright Audience," Said Hugh. "Make your decision. You're done here, Xigbar." Xigbar shamefully walked behind stage and Xaldin was up next.

Many comments about his sideburns were made as he made it to the center of the room.

"Xaldin," Greeted Hugh as he patted him on the back. "Tell the audience about yourself."

Xaldin cleared his throat. "I use to be a tattoo artist back in the day. But currently I have found interest in spears and I train in tossing them at targets. In fact I could probably shoot out every single one of your eyeballs." He pointed his finger around the circular room. "I'm also a great chef and can cook a hearty meal."

Hugh shook his head and smiled. "What about your hidden talent of knitting?" Suddenly images of Xaldin knitting on the plane were appearing on the screens and some people laughed.

Xaldin however, stood his ground and cleared his throat. "I was actually being kind to that elderly woman who was lonely on the plane. Unlike you, Hugh, I know how to treat people with respect."

A lot of "ooh's" were heard from the audience and Hugh pretended to look appalled. Xaldin smirked and crossed his arms. Hugh was out of things to make fun of and dismissed Xaldin. Up next was Lexaeus.

Lexaeus stiffly made his way into the center of the room. Hugh couldn't pat his back like he did to Xaldin because Lexaeus was like a tree; very tall and broad so he just stood awkwardly beside him.

"Tell the audience about yourself." Hugh said.

Lexaeus cleared his throat. "I like to spend my pass time lifting weights and working out. Besides that, I don't really do anything significant as I revolve my world around getting stronger."

Hugh nodded and pulled out an index card. "Well, on here it says you have a secret Beanie Baby collection." Images of him buying Beanie Babies at the souvenir shop earlier were posted on the screens. There were very few laughs. Lexaeus still remained stiff and unaffected by his attempt to make him feel embarrassed.

"It's not as embarrassing as your life choice to host a show called Gaydar." Lexaeus finally said when it became dead quiet in the room. The crowd bust in laughter and Hugh was yet again appalled. He was laughing too but was pacing around.

"Wow!" Hugh exclaimed. "This Organization is pretty sassy! Alright, big guy go on back. We'll be back after these commercial breaks!"

When Lexaeus went back stage, he sat in one of the metal chairs with a sigh.

Xemnas was pacing.

"How is this possible?" The Superior tried thinking back as to what date those pictures could have possibly been taken. As far as he recalled, he was always alone in his room when he had his Easy Bake Oven out. His laptop was hidden in a place where only he knew about. Who was the intruder?

Xigbar leaned up against a wall. "I dunno. Whoever it was deserves to have their ass kicked."

"And stabbed." Xaldin added.

"And crushed." Lexaeus cut in as he crossed his arms.

Xemnas stopped pacing and looked up from the floor. "Zexion is on next; I wonder how they invaded his private life. Perhaps we should warn the others?"

Each of them exchanged glances.

Xigbar spat out in laughter. "Nah, I wanna know what their gay percentages are." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag of pre-popped popcorn and began to munch on the snack with his mouth open.

Xemnas slammed his fist into his palm. "We have got to conjure up an excellent revenge plan."

"Why don't we just steal their hearts?" Xaldin questioned while examining his nails. Xemnas smiled mischievously as the most perfect plan formulated into his mind.

* * *

 _ **Thank you for reading. Please leave a review.**_


	4. Hugh Jass Heckles the Organization

_Thank you for continuing to read!_

* * *

Once the commercial break ended, Hugh invited Zexion to stand in front of the audience. The schemer slowly made his way to the center of the room and stood there awkwardly, hating all the attention.

"Hello, Zexion." Hugh greeted with a smile. "Tell the audience about yourself."

He crossed his arms and cleared his throat, trying to think of something witty to say. The amount of people however, caused his mind to draw a blank. "Let's see…I spend most of my days reading and working. I don't get much time to spend freely as I'm always busy either in the lab or on the field." Just as Zexion was about to open his mouth to continue, Hugh interrupted by pulling out an index card which caused the Schemer to be slightly confused.

"Well, it says here that you spend your time listening to My Chemical Romance." The audience laughed. Zexion, who was thrown off guard, uncrossed his arms to interject but was cut off by Hugh again. "You also apparently like to wear eyeliner?" The audience laughed even harder. "I think your hair says it all!" The Schemer stood up straight.

"I think your name says it all." Zexion spat as he walked off stage, angry. At the same time, images of Zexion's My Chemical Romance C.D collection were shown along with his eyeliner pencils.

Saïx would have been called next, but since he was absent, Axel was called up. The pyromaniac happily walked onto the stage, waving at the audience as if he was already a celebrity.

When Axel met Hugh on stage, they clashed their fists together as if they had been long time friends.

"Alright, Axel!" Hugh exclaimed. "Tell us about yourself."

The pyromaniac faked a laugh. "Well, I like to spend my time wooing the ladies." He winked and pointed to an attractive blond in the audience. "I also like to enjoy life, you know? I'm not one for rules; all that matters is that you have fun. So what if you get in trouble?"

Hugh nodded in agreement and some of the audience cheered.

"How do you feel about Zexion?"

"Say what?"Axel was caught off guard and blinked. He expected the entire conversation to revolve around himself. Why was Zexion brought up?

"You clearly show some kind of interest in these photos." The audience let off some "ooh's" as pictures of the two walking along the beach shore from earlier were shown. Axel bowed his head and laughed in disbelief. Another picture of the two appeared on the screens. "What about this picture? It's of you two getting touchy." The audience laughed and Axel's face turned beat red.

"How did you even get these pictures?" Axel questioned as he folded his arms across his chest. "Besides, you gotta know the story behind that. I had something on my face that day, I don't remember what because that was like, I don't know months ago? Anyway, he got it off. No big deal."

"Are you sure it wasn't a big deal?" Hugh pried with a mischievous grin. He pulled out an index card and read from it. "Well, it says here that you have an alleged secret that only he knows. Want to tell us about that relationship?"

Axel froze. How did Hugh know what happened in his personal life? How did he take those photos without him noticing? It didn't add up. Axel had never seen this man in his life. Never came across him, ever. It wasn't logical because this man lived nowhere near the Castle That Never Was. Even situations that played out the day before and events that happened today he managed to know about. How?

Axel realized that it was now dead quiet and everyone was waiting for a response. He shook his head, feeling the anger rise up in him. Clenching his fists, he turned around and walked off stage, leaving Hugh to yell even more embarrassing things about him.

Once Axel passed by Demyx, the Melodious Nocturne jogged into the center of the room where he was surrounded by tons of people, bright lights, and cameras. He giggled at the dramatic music that played when he stepped out.

When Hugh asked to tell him about himself, he thought for a moment.

"Well, I love music, playing the sitar, visiting the aquariums during my missions…" He paused for a moment. "Oh, crap! Xemnas wasn't supposed to know that!" He heaved a sigh and slouched his posture. "Oh, now I'll be turned into a dusk for sure!" He was stared at as if he was speaking a foreign language; nobody understood what being turned into a dusk meant. "Anyways, I like to play with my fish in my fishbowl, swim in pools, play games with Xigbar, and pester Zexion until he smacks me in the head with his book…" Demyx went on and on about things he liked to do. Hugh began to yawn and Demyx still continued. "Watch The Little Mermaid, play with my action figures, dance to my favorite songs, visit the animal shelters to cuddle with the kittens…"

"Enough!" Hugh shouted which caught everyone off guard. Demyx jumped a little in surprise and took a step back timidly. He cleared his throat. "I think we can list off a bunch of things that question your sexuality. You said you watch the Little Mermaid…How gay!" Demyx was a little hurt by his comment. "Cuddle with kittens?" Hugh laughed. "No straight man would ever do that!" Demyx began to pout.

"W-what?" His voice cracked.

"Crying? The last thing that you are is straight!"

Demyx's bottom lip twitched and his inhaled a shaky breath. A tear slid down his face and he ran off stage. Once the members who already had their embarrassing experiences saw Demyx bawling his eyes out, they knew it was time for revenge.

"I have an idea," began Zexion, "why don't we just have a little assassination party?"

"Can't." Muttered Xemnas. Everybody turned to face him with questioning glances. "I disabled your weapons before we left for the trip."

"You what?" Axel shouted. He was just about ready to pick up the chair he was sitting in and bash it on the Superior's head.

Luxord made his way onto the stage. He was criticized for having an obsession with cards, and being "too friendly" with Xigbar. The Brit was almost ready to throw a fist fight but walked off stage like the others had. He questioned the minds of the people who actually liked this show.

Marluxia was the laughing stock out of all thirteen of them. Once he stood beside Hugh, he burst out in laughter, telling him that he didn't need to speak. He dismissed him off stage soon after that. Marluxia wasn't even given a chance to talk. Larxene went up next in her shimmery black dress and high heels. Hugh asked her if she was doing anything later to which she replied by stomping on his feet with his razor sharp heels. After claiming that she had to be gay, she stormed off stage. Finally, there was the innocent, little, Roxas.

Once he was asked to talk about himself, he tittered, staring at the floor the entire time.

"Uh, I like ice cream, popsicles-"

"Popsicles?" Hugh asked. Roxas nodded slowly and avoided eye contact. The heat of his anxiety was rushing to his cheeks and his hands began to shake. "I think we all what that means, right Roxas?" He nudged the blond who just laughed in embarrassment. He had no idea how to react in this situation. "How do you eat these popsicles?"

Roxas was confused. Why was this guy so interested in one of his favorite foods?

"Well, uh, I don't know. I don't remember." Hugh burst out laughing.

"Why? Were you really that drunk?"

Roxas' eyebrows furrowed together. What did drunkenness have to do with eating popsicles?

"N-no. The last time I had one, I was in bed and-"

"That's how it always happens, Roxas." Hugh cut in. The audience laughed.

Roxas swallowed hard, trying to remember what he was just saying.

"I was in bed because I didn't want Xemnas to see me sneaking them into my room. It was late at night and Xemnas has a no sweets after dinner rule."

The crowd erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Everything Roxas was saying was taken completely out of context and he was very confused. He tried to wrap his mind around the reason as to why they were laughing. Did nobody in Los Angeles eat popsicles? Hugh patted his back.

"Alright, Roxas you're done here." The blond made his way backstage and Hugh announced that the results would be back after another commercial break.

"This is fucking insane!" Larxene spat, pacing in circles while grabbing handfuls of her hair into her fists in rage. Nobody tried to calm her down because once she was on a rampage, she couldn't be stopped. "I swear, once were done with this shitty place I am mounting your head above the fireplace!" She pointed furiously at Xemnas who put his hands up in defense.

He had explained to them that he disabled their weapons because they were known to cause havoc. He told them that past experiences in taking them on trips away from the castle were complete chaos because they terrorized everyone they met and he didn't want to relive that again. Marluxia had once summoned his scythe to open a Special K granola bar in a public park. He didn't feel like having the cops after them again.

"You know," Zexion began, resting his chin on his fist. "We could use these metal chairs to our advantage…"

Everyone exchanged glances with each other and Lexaeus began breaking the chairs apart with his bare hands and bending the metal into shapes that formed weapons similar to their own back at home.

Once the commercial break ended, the entire Organization was called up on stage to announce their gay percentages.

What Xemnas had planned next was something nobody was ever going to get. He figured that since this was going to be on live television, he was going to either go big or go home.

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 _Please leave a review!  
_


	5. The Truth Revealed

_Now time for the final chapter of Gaydar!_

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They each stood side by side, awkwardly. Hugh sat in front of them at a black desk, looking professional and serious. The intense and dramatic music that played in the background made Roxas and Demyx feel more anxious than they already were.

"Alright, it's time to announce the results. Xemnas," he began. The Superior nodded in acknowledgement. He was anxious to follow through his plan he had conjured up with the other members. They had agreed to see everyone's results first just for the hell of it and then they were going to launch their plan of attack. "You are 20 percent gay." Xigbar burst out laughing next to him.

"Xigbar," The Freeshooter stopped immediately. "You are five percent." He raised his fist in the air in victory and began teasing Xemnas.

"Xaldin, your results say one percent." The Whirlwind Lancer nodded in satisfaction.

"Lexaeus, you are also one percent gay."

Hugh turned to Zexion. The Cloaked Schemer swallowed and clenched his fists. This man had already angered him to the point of murder; he couldn't wait for everyone's results to be over with.

"Zexion," he began. "Your results have come back." The music suddenly intensified. "You are 89 percent gay."

Xigbar nearly fell over in laughter. A few members snorted and Larxene laughed out loud.

"Axel," said Hugh, "You have scored a nice 80 percent." Axel's mouth dropped and Xigbar couldn't control himself any longer and fell on the floor, rolling around in laughter. Xemnas slightly kicked the Freeshooter's side.

"Demyx, you have scored a 92 percent." Demyx was excited and jumped up and down.

"I passed!" Shouted the Melodious Nocturne. "That's the highest grade I've ever gotten in my life!"

"Luxord, you have earned a two percent." The man nodded and crossed his arms. The results were almost over and he couldn't wait to kick some ass.

"Marluxia, if this were a legit test you had to pass like Demyx thinks it is, you would've earned an A plus. You, my friend, have earned yourself a 99 percent." Marluxia couldn't believe his ears. His pink hair didn't have anything to do with femininity or masculinity, nor did it have anything to do with his sexual orientation.

"Larxene, you earned a seven percent." She gave no response.

"And finally, Roxas. You have earned yourself a nice 85 percent. Keep enjoying those popsicles!"

And with that, the show ended and the Organization was just about ready to charge. They had agreed that the signal for battle was Xemnas coughing three times. He let out one, and then two when suddenly the spot lights all turned to face a silhouette who stood in the doorway to the studio. The light from outside caused them to appear all black and cast a long shadow.

"There is a very thin line between genius and insanity," the voice echoed. Sure enough, the Organization recognized this man. "I have come to erase that line!"

"Vexy!" Demyx exclaimed. Vexen removed something large that was attached to his back; it could've easily been mistaken for a fire arm. Once he pulled the trigger, everyone screamed bloody murder. However, instead of bullets being shot, rainbow colored dust came out in sparkly explosions. Everyone ditched the studio, screaming for their lives.

"This wasn't part of the plan…" Xemnas muttered.

Lexaeus reached into his suit and pulled out a long piece of metal. He had attached three chair legs together to create a long sword to beat the crap out of Hugh with. He tossed it aside and crossed his arms. It was getting uncomfortable to hold.

Everyone stood and watched Vexen scare the hundreds of people away. However, Hugh did not move. He sat at his desk impatiently waiting for Vexen's rampage to be over. Everyone found this odd.

Once the audience had left the studio and once Vexen ran out of rainbow sparkly powder, Hugh stood up from his desk.

"Well, well, well." He began, walking towards them. His voice had changed into a deeper and smooth tone. This voice began to sound familiar. Larxene snarled and clenched her fists. "It seems that you all truly are insane." Hugh grabbed handfuls of his face, and peeled off the skin. A head of long blue hair was now there along with a familiar face with a large "x" scar.

"Saïx!" Demyx yelled dramatically.

"So you were the one spying on us!" Spat Axel. He attempted to summon his weapons but nothing appeared in his hands. He also tried shooting a ball of fire, but nothing came from his palms. "Damn you, Xemnas!"

"Indeed." He began. Vexen tossed his rainbow gun aside; it knocked over one of the cameras with a loud crash. "I was hoping that my plan would succeed but how unfortunate." Saïx summoned his claymore and nearly everyone gasped.

"Saïx!" Yelled Xemnas. "What is the meaning of this?"

"You pathetic weakling cannot even function properly. Have we forgotten our goal in completing Kingdom Hearts?" The Lunar Diviner questioned, swinging his weapon for an intimidating effect. "You are all worthless. Look at yourselves."

Roxas clenched his fist passionately on his chest. "Axel told me that it's what's on the inside that matters, not on the outside."

"Only if the bitch is ugly. Then you drop that shit like it's hotter than fire." Axel cut in.

Saïx growled. "You incompetent fools! I'll show you how to run a real organization!" He charged towards them with his weapon high above his head. Everyone leaped out of the way and Lexaeus grabbed his sword made out of metal chair legs and began battling the crazy man.

Lexaeus brought up the chair legs horizontally over his eyes to protect Saïx's claymore from smashing his face. The metal was bending under the pressure of the claymore and it was only a matter of seconds until it snapped. The Organization had no idea what to do for they feared getting hurt themselves. Suddenly, Zexion thought of something.

"Axel!" He shouted. "Do your thing!"

Axel didn't take his eyes of the fighting scene before him. "My what?" He yelled back.

"Your secret thing!"

Everyone was confused. Larxene tried smacking Saïx in the head with a chair, but he kicked her down.

"No way!" Axel shouted back. The metal bar was bending further and Lexaeus struggled beneath it. He knew it wouldn't hold much longer.

"Get out!" Yelled the Silent Hero to the others. Demyx was the only one that obeyed and ran out of the studio.

Axel swallowed hard and stood a few feet behind Saïx, ready to reveal his big secret that only Zexion knew about.

"What are you doing, Axe?" Xigbar shouted. "Get away from him!"

Axel however, inhaled sharply while Zexion instructed everyone to cover their ears. The bend in the metal was centimeters from snapping into Lexaeus' face. As the pressure built in Axel's throat, he opened his mouth as he released an ear throbbing belch that vibrated everything. The television screens on the walls shook and fell as if an earthquake happened. Saïx and Lexaeus groaned at the large sound that burst through their ears. It felt like their eardrums were being torn apart with a dull knife.

Saïx, not being able to withstand the pain anymore released his grip on his claymore. It dropped to the floor as he covered his ears. Lexaeus quickly covered his as well as he feared that he would go deaf from the loud burp.

Axel smiled when the long belch faded out. It scented the air in a warm, gross scent of fried foods and donuts which made just about everyone gag. Xigbar was the only one who actually vomited.

Larxene grabbed the metal bar from the ground and in her heels, gracefully walked over to Saïx and swung it at his head like it was a baseball bat. He fell to the side and collapsed on the tiled floor.

She tossed the metal rod and it spun across the floor. "I never thought a burp could save someone's life."

"Wow!" Xigbar yelled as he recovered vomiting all over the floor. "So that's your special talent?" He patted Axel on the back. "What's so embarrassing about it anyways?" Axel shrugged and looked away. It was a silly thing to be embarrassed about.

"Now that Saïx is unconscious, I suggest that we head back to the castle. We need to lock it down so that he cannot get in." Said Xemnas as he flicked his wrist, opening a dark corridor.

Back at the castle, Marluxia gasped as he realized how much time they had wasted and how much money they could have saved. IF they were able to just teleport back to the castle, then why weren't they able to teleport to Los Angeles?

"Superior," began the pink haired man, "why didn't we just open a dark corridor to Hollywood?"

Xemnas froze. "I…don't know." He stayed silent for a few minutes, contemplating his idiocy. "I think I need to sleep forever." He then left to go lock himself in his bedroom.

"So, what's with Saïx being a homophobe?" Axel questioned as he took a seat on the sofa in the Living Room That Possibly Is. Roxas sat beside his friend and asked him what the word 'homophobe' meant. Axel shook his head and sighed.

Demyx pouted. "Watching Disney movies isn't gay… What does that have to do with sexuality? Besides, who wouldn't want to cuddle up with kittens?"

Marluxia flipped his hair. "Pink is neither a gay color nor a straight color. It is the color of the warrior in Japan. I would slap Saïx, but that would be considered animal abuse." Xaldin chuckled and shook his head.

"Or we could tie him up and have him listen to modern music for three days straight while he watches his family be murdered in front of him. Just a thought." Axel said as he examined his nails. Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"Axel," began Luxord. "I can't help but feel that there is a special place in Hell for you." He took out a deck of cards and began shuffling them.

Axel stretched out his arms. "Oh, I already know I'm destined to go to Hell. At this point it's either go big or go home."

The castle was eventually locked down which prevented Saïx from entering. What Xemnas couldn't wrap his mind around was the fact that Saïx was able to use his weapon. He had sworn he had disabled everybody's. Maybe Saïx enabled it afterwards? Tomorrow, Xemnas would have to put up ads to recruit a new member for his Organization.

What Xemnas needed was a vacation from the alleged vacation they just had. Perhaps he'd consider Demyx's constant idea of going to the aquarium. Seeing water life couldn't be THAT horrible, could it?

Next summer could only tell.

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 _Thank you for all your reviews! This story has come to a close. Perhaps the next adventure the Organization goes on will be to the aquarium...  
_


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